I woke up in the middle of the night to find myself thinking, “What have I done all my life?” I could not answer the question. Maybe the question was wrong, maybe the question should be: “after more than 2 decades of living, what should I accomplish by now?”That is a simpler question and rather easier to be answered.
I like to think that I am destined to achieve greatness, or at least something. Yet, disappointments came knocking like there is no tomorrow. Just when I thought I could achieve something, I fell short, I was halted even before I reach the starting line, without being able to prove that I really could. I hate it when that happens. Deep down I really know that I am able, I am better than this, but why? Why when it mattered most, I always found myself facing a brick wall, a glass ceiling, et cetera, call it what you want.
I am actually sad of not being able to show the world what I am capable of, I am sad that of all the potential I have, I could not fulfill it. What a waste. Literally, what a waste, because when I look back, a quote from the article Legacy of Regret for Saudi's Top Diplomat in NST(19/12/2009) came across my mind:
"You see the amount of water, you think you can hold something in your hand, but it falls away. Sand is the same thing. So unless there is something to hold in your hand and to point to as a success and as an achievement, then you have done nothing."
IF ONLY I WOKE UP EARLIER THAT DAY.